Giving up

We were talking about god
lowercase god
because neither of us
had enough faith in the other
to admit we believed
neither of us
believed

I guess that's what god is
to me at least
a pact signed off
in lamb's blood
that an idea
is worth giving up doubt
and insecurity

They seem like easy things
to give up on
but try forty days
in a desert of happiness
and you'll long
for just a glimmer
of despair

The paradox
if you aren't averse to the word
is that as unpleasant
as uncertainty can be
to give up on doubt
is to give up on humanity
to give up on the need for ideas